dress, painted to look like her own. The figurehead was headed into the unknown,
brave, stoic and very beautiful.
She could not hide her tears from
Pierre. It was the dearest thing anyone
had ever done for her. A gift so fine,
she didn’t know what to think, or how to repay her future husband. If her mama could put up with a stranger’s
grunt, then maybe she could put up with Capt. Dubois’ love making no matter how
terrible. Celestine stood on the levee
until the ship turned and sailed past the crescent, and out of sight down the
river. She ran back to the convent and
prayed for his safety, the first of many lonesome, worried hours praying for
her man’s safe return from the sea; mixed with the fear of his safe return and
what that would mean to her future.
Chapter Five
Pierre and Colette were spending more and
more time at the new house with the baby.
Colette was collecting ideas for decorating and had made a huge list for
Maurice to bring back from his next long trip abroad. Celestine wondered when that would be, as he
had not returned from Cuba and the West Indies.
She finished the gift she made him a month before, and now she was
lonesome without her friends and little Letty.
It had been three months since she had heard anything from or about
Capt. Dubois and Pierre said the trip would take less than two. Maybe
he had changed his mind. Maybe there was
a beautiful senorita in Cuba who captured his heart. After all, he was not the marrying kind or so
Pierre told Colette in the beginning.
Maybe he had a fling with the idea of Celestine, and then run away in
the light of day to the open Gulf. She
would give him his shirt anyway whenever he returned. It would be her thank you for the peaches and
his helping Colette bring little Letty into the world. She was trying her best to give him up, and
think about a life on her own. But in
trying to give him up, she realized she liked him very much, and it hurt to
think that he didn’t care for her anymore.
Thoughts of him were always in her head, more than she wanted, and she
had to keep very busy or they would rob her day, and interfere with her work. His image came to her in dreams, and woke her
from sleep with a desire for his gentle mouth on hers. This last was something so foreign, she
prayed for hours to get it out of her mind. She did not like thinking of that
smile charming another woman though, it produced an unfamiliar anger. She even had moments thinking of the bedroom
act and wondering what it would be like with this gentle man. He had, after all, aroused feelings she never
knew she would have in this lifetime.
Celestine was shelling peas in the big
convent kitchen and came out of her daydreaming
long enough to remember she needed to go to Colette’s to feed the
cat. There were no servants in the old
house as the only two they kept were with them in the country. Pierre thought the cat would eat mice and get
by, but Celestine and Colette both knew the cat loved milk and left-over bits
of fish from the market. The poor little
creature never left their courtyard, so Celestine went every other day and left
nice treats for the dear little thing.
This particular day, she wrapped Capt.
Dubois’ new shirt in brown paper and
went to Colette’s. She intended to leave
it on the main table in the music room.
She would leave it, and when and if, he ever came back; Colette could
give it to him. Once she got to the
house, she changed her mind, maybe she would not give it to him at all. It was Celestine’s finest needlework and when
she first began, she was anxious to see how handsome he would be wearing
it. It was of the finest linen; so light
you could see through it for those hot summer days in the tropical city and the
full sleeves caught the slightest breeze.
There was a delicate linen neckcloth with his initials, (MDE) embroidered in gold thread. It pleased Pierre that she had gone to so
much trouble to make the shirt for his friend. Celestine hoped Pierre would not
be too disappointed in Maurice for changing his mind about her. She wrote a note with the package:
Capt.
Dubois,
For
kindnesses rendered.
I
meant to give this to you before you left, but alas,
I
hadn’t thought to create it.’
Sincerely,
Celestine Haussey
He didn’t deserve the beautiful shirt. She picked up the package and the note and
went down to rue de Quai. She loved
walking along the levee watching the big sailing ships load and unload, the
tall masts going and coming on the big river to the open Gulf with their goods.
There was always energy with people laughing and talking on their journeys to
somewhere exciting. She didn’t want to
go back to the convent and answer questions about her oncoming tears. The sun was going down and the smells of the
food in the market were making her hungry.
As she turned to go home, she saw a ship leaving and she stopped to
enjoy the sails being hoisted and readied for the trip down the river, but just
then, another ship shifted, and she saw, Le
Celestine. The gangplank was
lowered. How long had it been in
port? She couldn’t move. She would just watch for a few minutes to see
if maybe, maybe... this was silliness; she had to let him go. She saw her handsome Captain at the bow. The wind was in his hair and her heart was in
her throat. She wondered if he was sorry
he named his ship after her. She should leave;
he would think her forward to be standing waiting for his ship. What if he saw her but ignored her? What if
he felt uncomfortable and stayed on the ship?
She turned to walk away; she did not want him to think she was a silly
girl, waiting for his ship… and him. She
was half way down the levee when she heard him call. He was walking fast toward her, closer than
she expected and suddenly he had her in his arms. She raised her face to his and he kissed her.
He took off her bonnet and the curly blonde hair blew around her face, tickling
her skin and getting caught in her tears.
She felt strange things awakening that she never knew existed. The pit of her stomach was on
fire, and fear mixed with desire was about to strangle her.
“Oh, my little dove, you’re here to meet
me. Oh God, Celestine I’ve dreamed of
this.” He kissed her again, sweetly, with his big strong arms holding her close…
but there it was, hard in his breeches and she could feel it through the silks
of her dress. She tried to back away,
but he held her close and kissed her again.
Within one kiss, one moment being held in his big arms, she gave in…
gave up… and melted into him and wanted to feel it again, his manhood. It was
his desire, his love for her and she thought she had lost it. He picked her up in his arms and walked back
to the ship and across the deck into his cabin and locked the door. He laid her on the bed and stood back to look
at her.
“Will you marry me, Celestine?”
She looked up at
him through half closed eyes and said; “Yes, I’ll marry you. I…I missed you.”
“Oh, my little dove, I love you. I’ve missed you so much, this is the way it
should be, the two of us in this cabin.”
He fell onto one knee and took her hands. “We could sail around the world if you like,
or you can stay here and I’ll buy you a house and come to you from the sea.” He
was totally crazed at this moment. He
had imagined having to coax her out of the convent or renew his courtship, but
she was on the levee waiting for him, as he had seen so many women, waiting in
so many ports for their men to come home.
He could die a happy man, but not before he had married this wonderful
creature.
“I thought you weren’t coming back to me, and
I became frightened and thought… I’d lost you.”
She was looking at him with big sad eyes reproaching him for something
he had not done. He had to get that look out of her eyes, it was breaking his
heart.
“Why would you ever think that, my
dove? Is that why you were walking
away? Please, don’t ever think that
again, Celestine. I promise I’ll always come back to you.” He took her face in his hands and whispered
into his kiss. “Celestine, I’ll always come back to you.”
She received him and responded to his kiss
as he began to remove her dress and unlace the few strings on the short stays
that covered her breast. Before he knew
it his hand was on her breast feeling the silky skin and the nipple and he
stopped.
“Oh my God, Celestine, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe this, I’m a cad.” He was trying to pull her stays back together
and get the strings laced again. He was beside himself with worry for what he
had almost done to this delicate creature who needed time and patience.
From the moment he kissed her on the levee
she knew what she had known as intimacy was disgusting men rutting with a
whore. His kiss, what she felt, and what
Colette told her, over and over again was true.
It could be sensual and loving. Her
body filled with longing and desire for this man and just that quickly, just
that easily, her years of fear and disgust evaporated, became history, dead
energy and she knew she would give herself to this man. She pulled his face down to hers, kissed him
and let him run his tongue inside her mouth and whispered.
“I
love you, Maurice. I know you’d never
hurt me. I want you to make love to me.
I’m not afraid anymore.” She
kissed him again and got up. She stood
in front of him; took off her dress, petticoats, and corset and walked in her
chemise back to the bed. She picked up
the package and gave it to him.
Maurice was dumb struck. Where had she come from? Who was she?
This was not the girl he was warned about. Had she taken another man while he was gone? Had she taken a lover? His head was spinning with questions. Celestine looked at his face and in his eyes. There was confusion and anger all boiling
around in those great blue eyes.
“What... what...um, what about your past and... your fears...? Was that a lie,
Celestine?”
She stood shocked and confused. Why did she have to explain? Why was he angry?
“No, but when you kissed me, I wanted
more.” She didn’t know how to tell him
how she felt. She didn’t know why, or what she had done, but he was angry with
her. Oh,
so that’s it? I knew it was too good to
be true, next will come the back of his hand against my face. What
could I have been thinking?
“You’re just like all the rest, judge, blame,
yell, grunt… hit.” She was yelling, crying
and trying to talk. I’ll tell him what I think of his sorry ass before I leave and he can
go back to his whores, and women who have no love for themselves, and don’t
care if a man uses them to release his jizzem and his anger.
“Nothing has changed in my world, but this
time, I felt it, not my mama. You’ve
never had anything bad happen to you so you don’t understand what it’s like
when something shifts and changes… and all of a sudden the fear’s gone… and
desire is… strong… pulling you into a place you never knew. You just don’t understand. Now I’ve made a fool of myself. I’m standing
in your room with my chemise on, with my clothes at my feet and I could die of
hatred for you. You’ll not grunt over
me you oaf, but you can be proud of yourself, you managed to make me want you
before you struck…you snake… and that will never happen again.” She was sobbing and grabbing for her clothes. She would die from humiliation and hate
before she could get off this ship.
“Yes… you’re very wrong, my dove.” He could not believe how stupid he had just
been.
“What?” Yes
to what, what was he saying yes to?
She managed to get her petticoat on and was stepping in to her
dress. She would have to hold her corset
under her dress so no one could see it.
He walked over and took her in his arms,
and she fought until he whispered close to her ear. “Yes, I do know what it’s
like to have bad things happen to you. I
do know. I’m so sorry. I’m clumsy and as frightened as you.” He laughed a little nervous laugh. “Don’t hate me, my little dove.” He kissed her and fell into her love and
wrapped them both in his love and his strength.
He held her until she was calmed.
“Celestine, I love you. I want to marry you. Let me make love to you.”
He felt her relax
into his body and hoped she would trust him.
He gently took off her dress, removed her petticoat, and sat her on his
lap in his reading chair. She was still
crying but holding on to his arms, she wanted so badly for him to be telling
her the truth. Her heart told her to
stay. He held her to his heart and hated
himself for being so damned clumsy. She
put her arms around his neck, and kissed his cheek.
I’m a big stud man of the world, for God’s
sake; a big ladies man, and I’ve bumbled
the most important moment of my life, with the love of my life. He knew
exactly how she felt a moment ago. He
felt the same thing with Anna in Haiti years earlier and Anna had made no
accusations and asked no questions.
“Tell me you’re sure you want to do this,
Celestine. Tell me you’re not afraid.
Tell me to wait until we’re married and I’ll wait. I love you.” He was trying desperately to regain his
footing and start again.
She had to think. She was confused, but he said he loved her;
maybe she had been wrong… again. She
wanted to stay in his arms and let him make everything bad go away. His safe
arms were the first she had ever felt, and the most familiar things she had
ever known.
“If we wait until our wedding night, I may
change my mind. I invent dragons while
waiting, as I did with your return. If this is as pleasant as Colette says,
I’ll marry you. If it’s what I fear, I
may not. But, if I wait, I’ll surely be
too afraid to marry you.” She didn’t know where this bravery was coming
from, maybe from his strong arms, but it was the truth. She reached her face up to his and opened her
lips for his kiss.
Maurice had never had such pressure on his
love making or ability to perform. It
was his fault for misjudging her desire earlier. No, damn it, he knew in his heart she was to
be his. He met her mouth and pulled her close to him. If she was ever to relax and make love to a
man, it was now. She was right, if she
waited, it would get worse, just as it had for him with Anna.
He could do this… he could love her as
gently as the great lover he was known to be. He sat her on the chair and began
to undress himself, slowly keeping his eyes on hers and thinking gentle
thoughts. He kept his eyes free of lust
and filled them with the love he felt for her at this very moment. Once he had taken off his shirt, he heard her
gasp and he knelt down to reassure her she was still safe. Maurice had no idea that once Celestine makes
up her mind, she doesn’t waiver, but steadies her course as she did walking in
to the Ursulines Convent years ago.
Seeing him without his shirt sent strange shivers from her groin up to
her breast and into her head. He was
beautiful. There was no hint of the
horrible flabby dirty men she had seen with her mama. His chest was a wash board of muscles and
brown chest hair making a beautiful design around his nipples and down into his
breeches. She was taking shallow
breaths, staring at his manhood under his breeches. Her lips were open and
wanting. He began to unbutton himself
and slowly let his pants down to show her the full him. There was a jagged scar
on his side, and she wondered if it was from a pirate’s sword. She wanted to
see more. She wanted to feel him. He smelled like the sea and fresh rope, and
her head was getting dizzy from her own lust awakening in her. Celestine sat in the chair watching him, and
fighting the last bit of fear in hopes he would not see it, and stop his advances.
She didn’t want to be treated like the little virginal victim. She wanted him
to take her as his love, as Colette said her Pierre had done. She wanted Maurice to do the same. He sat her on his naked lap and kissed her
breasts, amazed at the silk of her skin.
The little pink rosebud of a nipple was velvet and warm in his mouth,
and caused her breathing to deepen. The
little moans came from deep in her throat and made him crazy with desire. He opened her legs and felt gently for the
blockage he hoped was there. She could not stop her hands going through his
hair and holding his head to her breast. He felt for the little center that
brought such pleasure to a woman when it was massaged, and began to give her
pleasure.
Fearing his erection may hurt her; he would
wait until she was in her ecstasy before he entered her. He kept the steady
rhythm with his massage, listening to her moans getting deeper and closer
together until he heard her catch her breath and hold it. She opened her mouth to scream and he covered
it gently with a big hand. He felt every
muscle in her body tense and stiffen and he knew she was about to release. He lifted his knee and put one strong arm
under her to move her center over his erection and as she began to shudder and
clutch his head to her heart, he sat her down hard on his member and felt the
resistance give with a little ‘pop’. She
began to move herself in her release, up and down his erection. He was delighted and surprised that she could
fit him inside of her and sheathe him in her warm, wet center. He shifted so she could adjust herself to him
and he pulled her hips up and down to her own rhythm until he could stand it no
more. He spent his seed into his love…
three months at sea desiring her and three months in port before that. She was still riding him to give him
pleasure. He was enjoying a woman down
into his soul for the first time in his life.
He doubted if she could spend again as it was her first time, and he did
not want to disappoint her by making her sore.
He let his erection dissipate and pull
itself out of her. He looked into her
face. She began covering his face with
kisses, taking his mouth in hers again and breathing calmer, settling herself
into his chest. Within seconds he heard
her breathing turn to sleep and tears were filling his eyes. He would never let her leave his arms.
When Celestine woke, Maurice was asleep and
she was sitting on his naked lap. She
wondered how long they had been asleep, and if she had dreamed the wonderful afternoon, or was it
real? She gently moved his arm from
around her waist and started to get up, but it came back down strong and
immovable, and held her in place.
“You’ll never get away from me that easily,
my dove. Where do you think you’re going, my pretty wench?” He was kissing her neck, and she could feel
his manhood waking up against her bottom.
He began kissing her breast again and she
felt herself awakening, again feeling the now familiar rush of erotic juices
flowing in her center. She was coming
alive from her groin up into her stomach and chest. Her womanhood felt tender
and a little sore, but she was willing to overlook that to feel the pleasure
she felt a while ago. He picked her up and walked with her to the big bed. The moon was shining through the open porthole
and the velvet air of the tropical evening reminded them they had slept for
some time.
She wondered if Ste. Mary Clarisse was
worried about her and would she cover for her until she could get home? Celestine looked over at the chair and saw
blood on the cushion.
“Maurice, there’s blood on the chair. Should there be? Am I all right?” She never dreamed she would ask a man such an
incredibly personal question as this, but it felt right to ask, it felt normal
to ask this man who was to be her husband.
He gathered her to him.
“Shh, it’s natural, my little dove. That was your old life leaving and your new
one beginning. You’re a woman now, my
dove and you’ve given me your gift.
You’ll release when I enter you in the future, my love, until then,
you’ll spend from other means. You are
magnificent, my lady love.” Maurice
decided not to make love to her again.
She would be sore and he had no intentions of hurting her. It had worried him to press so hard in taking
her the first time, she hadn’t felt pain, he made sure of that, only the joy of
her release and a bit of pressure. But he was not going to chance it too soon,
he had almost bungled the whole afternoon with his paranoia, now, he wanted her
to leave wanting more. Besides, if he
kept her here longer, he would want to spend the night with her and never let
her leave his arms and that would never do.
Maurice got up and went behind the screen and found a dressing gown.
“I’ll go on deck, my dove while you dress
yourself. You’ll find the washing bowl
behind the screen.” He kissed her more
passionately than he intended. “If you need help with the bathing, call me,
I’ll gladly lend a hand.” He smiled like
the letch he felt himself to be, and laughed at his own joke as he walked out
onto the deck.
Celestine got up from the bed and went
behind the screen. The soap was a manly
soap not fit for her delicate parts, so she washed with the cool water and got
dressed. She was nervous about going out
on deck, what if someone from the convent saw her? Once she was dressed, she opened the door for
Maurice to walk back into the room and watched as he went behind the screen to
wash himself. He came around the screen
with his breeches and boots on and his suspenders hanging around his knees. He
walked to his chest to get a shirt but when he turned she was holding the one
she made. He was stunned. His life just
kept getting better by the moment. He
pulled the shirt over his head, and felt the soft linen on his skin. It fit perfectly; how had she ever gotten it
to fit so nicely? She wrapped the
neckcloth around his neck and tied it so the initials could be seen clearly, walked
him to the shaving mirror and showed him the results. He was the happiest man alive. He pulled her up to him and held her off the
floor, as he kissed her, and told her again how much he loved her. Celestine
watched with admiration as he put on his big jacket with the gold piping up the
sleeves and took a sailor’s whistle out of his breeches pocket, opened the door
a crack and blew a series of short toots.
She could hear boots running, men laughing and doors slamming, then
quiet. He opened the door and ushered
her out onto the deck.
“What was that, Maurice?” Something did not seem right.
“My men making themselves disappear, my
dove. Your ladyship?” He was offering
her his arm to walk down the gangplank.
She couldn’t move. This had been a tryst like how many
others? His men knew the drill very well,
that’s why they were laughing; they were laughing at her. It hadn’t taken them two minutes to ‘make
themselves disappear’ for their stud Captain. The Captain who had a woman in
every port… she must be his New Orleans’s whore. Funny, she had not seen any money for her
services. She was fighting back the
tears. To think she had been fooled into
loving him. He was just a man after all, he may not grunt or hit, but he knew
how to get what he wanted and kick her to the gutter. She was shaking with anger. She wanted her knife; she wanted to cut his
cock off, or at least an ear or two.
“Aaah,” her gasp was audible. She
had just given this man her virginity and he had not even tried very hard for
it. She presented it like passing the
salt at table. She was brazenly waiting on the levee for him like a dock whore
and he had seen her as such.
Maurice reacted to her gasp. He looked down into the angriest face he had
ever seen on a woman, and he had seen many. Her beautiful blue eyes had turned
the color of brackish lake water and before he could take a breath to speak, he
felt the sting of his own knife blade under his chin. She could cut his throat
or leave a nasty scar; and he was prepared for neither. He had never seen such
power and cunning in so frail a woman.
“You’re not worth it.” She returned his
knife to the sheath inside his jacket pocket.
“You may come back to your work, men. The Captain’s harlot is leaving.” She was down the gangplank and running away
from this man who had used her and degraded her for his own pleasure… just like
all men.
Maurice’s head was spinning. She
could’ve killed me and damned near did. What have I done? Harlot?
Captain’s harlot? He wiped
the blood from under his chin and saw the red soaking into his new
shirtsleeve. What the hell just
happened?
He was afraid it was too good to be true
when he saw her waiting on the levee. Mother Superior warned him; but she had
warned him the girl would not want to be intimate, not that she would be
wonderfully intimate then kill as swiftly as the deadly black widow spider. God
give me strength to deal with this woman, it’s going to take me and you working
together. I’m not giving up, I will have her.
Just show me her demons, Lord, and I’ll destroy them, or die in the
trying… most likely the latter.
Maurice needed to go home and see his
children. His obsession with Celestine
was dividing his well ordered world into one of fantasy versus reality. At home with Josef and Marguerite he could
get his bearings and reclaim his real life; then and only then could he think
about winning his love back and bridge the two worlds.
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