WILL THERE BE HEADLINES, “END OF WORLD COMING
SOON”
Or will God just surprise us?
By Nita Wilson
Okay, what is all
this stuff I’m seeing on TV about the world ending December 21st, 2012? Why not, 12,12,2012 that’s my brother-in-law’s
birthday and he’s a nice guy; maybe a nice bang up party for him? Numerically
that would be 12,12,2012. Does it say
anything in the Bible or Koran using those numbers? Oh,
shoot, just as we’ve all learned to beware of the number 13 and God knows, 666,
we now have to worry about 12’s.
“SURPRISE.” Says God.
“I done told ya and told ya to behave and now look.”
The History Channel
the other day reported that the Mayas in Mexico and a Native American tribe in
Oregon have known for 1000 years and agree that 2012 would be the last year on
this planet. Oh, boy do I have
questions: How did the two groups get
together and decide this? I mean they couldn’t pick up the phone and say, “Hey
Chief… what do you think of the world coming to an end in 2012?” Did a Mr. Gonzales in Mexico City turn to his
wife one morning and say…
“Honey I’m going on a journey up the road and I’ll
be gone for a few years. I’m going to
talk to some friendly natives in the north about the end of the world.”
And did she roll over
in bed and say?
“Fine, take the
youngest with you. He’s been getting on
my nerves lately. Bring me back a nice
souvenir, and NOT one of those snow globes with the Grand Canyon. Maybe a nice deer head for over the mantle.”
Either way it’s a daunting task to get the two
cultures together, and even more daunting I’m sure to get them to agree on the
final date, after all, most humans have trouble agreeing on a salad dressing,
much less the date of the end of the world.
So, what? Nuclear bombs, “Oops” says the President of
Afganistan, “That’s not the button to order another tea?” “Oops” says the President, “My bad. I hit it by mistake.” “Oops” says China, “That’ll teach’em to owe
us money.” Maybe a meteor will take us
out. We’ll be looking up at the night sky
commenting on the beautiful shooting star and Ka-blam, “Why, hello, St. Peter,
I guess you’re wondering what I’m doing here?”
So how will this
work? Will we have to stand in line at the Pearly Gates? I mean, the end of the world; that’s a whole
bunch of people/souls getting to the gates at the same time. Will there be a line to both places, up and
down? What if we see people we know in
the line to go downstairs? If we judge
them and say things like, “Hmm, I thought so!”
Will we then be put in that line for judging? I hate to stand in line, hated it at Disney
World, hated it at the House of Blues, I even hated it standing in line in New
York to see Judy Garland’s body in her coffin in 1968. Yes indeed, there were hot dog and ice cream vendors
trying to sell snacks to those of us crazy enough to stand in such a line. So what do we do? I’d imagine there’d be a huge rush on the
Pearly Gates. Will there be shouting and
shoving? How long will we have to stand
in line? Is St. Peter prepared to handle
so many people and pets at once? He’s
getting on in years you know. Will he have assistants? I have trouble counting
my Thanksgiving guests and I’m a baby compared to him/her. There was a movie
recently with Nicolas Cage where he was fortunate enough to be in the arms of
his family when the world ended. I guess
we could pick the people we want to go with and just show up at their house on
Dec. 12th, 2012 and stay until, you know, Ka-boom; or plan a nice party on that
day and only invite people with whom you want to spend eternity. Of course that
could prove embarrassing if in the long run a couple of friends or even
yourself were ushered downstairs in front of your friends, “Oh my, Sheila, this
is so humiliating I thought surely we’d be going to the same place, must have been
that time in the ‘60’s when you, you know.. you know…, that priest? Well don’t fret, you ole slut, he’ll probably
be down there too.” Haha, just a little
laugh to ease the tension between us as she’s ushered down.
What about the people
who are already there? What if you run
into someone who is quite frankly surprised to see you there and as you move on
in the line, you hear under his/her breath…
“There goes the
neighborhood…”
What if our Mexican
neighbors get there first, put up a fence and won’t let us in? That’d be a real kick in the pants. What if you have to pass your Mother-in-law
and she has a “I know something you don’t know” smirk on her face? Yikes!!
Will the Scientologists have their own wing? Will the Baptist finally get to dance and
will the Methodist get to drink real wine with communion instead of grape
juice. Will the Jews get to take off their yarmulkes? Will Chuck Seymour go to
hell for cutting off my pigtail in the third grade? Or will he be walking around with wings for
all the good things he did, AFTER he cut off my pigtail? Will the Catholics who ate meat on Friday get
out of hell? Boy, do I have questions.
So, if we knew for
sure this date would be the end what would you do? Start living in a kind and Godly manner; become
a better Christian, Muslim, Jew, Buddhist, person? Oprah is doing her best with her new network;
only reporting on good and uplifting things and putting out a positive goal for
us all to follow. I’d like to think we’d
all do that. I have family members who’d
spend from now until Dec. 31st, 2012 cleaning house and sorting out
things to get rid of. Hmmm… what a
waste of time that’d be. I mean, do we even need to lock the door? I have a friend who’s already admitted she’d
cash in all her assets and travel as Queen Latifa did in “The Perfect Holiday”. I’d do that, but I could only get as far as
Petal or Van Cleave, so I guess I’m satisfied right here with my two dogs,
sitting on the swing on my back porch wearing comfortable shoes in case of
those long lines.
I’m not going to
clean out the closets in my house that really need re-organizing; until after
New Years, I mean what’s the use? I have
been very aware of my underwear lately.
I bought new recently so I have no holey panties in case I’m caught off
guard. How embarrassing would that be,
standing in line for heaven with bad underwear.
I can just see my irate mother on the other side, waving her staff or
whatever they give you and screaming at me for not wearing good underwear on
such an important trip.
Of course December is my birthday month. I just hope nobody gives me a spa day for Jan
1st. But, I do hope there is a hotdog vendor
because you get hungry standing in line.
According to Meryl Streep in “Defending Your Life” you can eat anything
and never gain weight in Heaven. You know; if we knew for sure the end of the
world would happen on that date, there’d be a sweep of good deeds and people
being nice to each other all over the world. How nice would that be? I just really hate to stand in line. So if it ends won’t we all feel stupid getting
so upset over the Presidential election?
I mean, really? Of course this
begs the question, which candidate would we see in the Heaven line and which in
the other. Just sayin…
Sorry, God, it’s a hard habit to break.
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